Friends

So here I am at the age of 24 and I am still dealing with things from my childhood. I was a bubbly little girl who was conscious of what I wore to school and looked up to girls who were in high school and college.
I was everyone's "mini me" and always seemed to crave the attention of those around me. I was fun and loved to make friends. I didn't discriminate against anyone because of the color of their skin or where they were from. People were people, no matter their social class.

As I made my way to middle school and high school I really began to struggle with rejection. The black kids acted as though I wasn't "black" enough and the popular kids acted as though I wasn't "cool" enough. I found myself a nuisance to many, but to the others like me I found myself a healer. I loved to take those who also felt rejection and make them feel special...because they are!

Though I found great joy in doing this I still had great discomfort. I can't even count on my hands how many times I have been stood up or left out by people. Boys and girls. Even my family made me feel rejected.

I remember one night in our old house on College Ave. All four of us kids were crying to my parents. None of our cousins ever asked to come visit us. We begged for them to come stay the night. We felt abandoned by them. Excuses that we lived too far out even hurt us more. Weren't we good enough for people to drive 30 minutes to come visit us?

All my life I have felt that people see me in a certain light. "Oh, that's just Mercedes. She's crazy and loud." I was just never cool enough for the cool club. I wasn't allowed to watch and listen to certain things and I couldn't go some places. My peers thought that was weird and that I was no fun.

 But when my dad became a pastor that all changed. We became "popular" and people loved us- still do! I got use to that, even though I still felt rejection by those outside of my dad's church, I felt a lot more accepted.

So naturally when I left home and moved to Louisville I thought that I would be accepted and befriended just the way I was at my dad's church. But it seems the same spirit of rejection tries to haunt me.

I have made many friends here in Louisville and so many that I call my family. And I'm not calling anyone out here, but it seems to me that there hasn't been one person to call me up and ask to come over and visit me. I find that extremely hard to deal with seeing as I have driven all over Louisville and Southern Indiana just to hang out with people. And quite frankly I have had it. I have went out of my way to befriend people. I call, text, FB only to get short responses.

God knows that I am extremely hurt over the people who have ignored my messages on FB, my texts, the invitations to my house, etc. I am so over hearing that someone is too busy or I live too far, yet you can make it to every service at church? Seriously? How about you BE the church. Visiting a building with other "saved people" doesn't make you a Christian. What makes you a Christian is relationship. Relationship with God and with others- remember those commandments?

And for those who aren't even saved I get it. I live far from you. Well you live far from me. You have kids? I have two- let's make it a play date.

I may be ranting here, but people need to know how I feel and I am certainly not the only one feeling this way. I have talked to numerous people who feel exactly how I do. So what do I do about it?

I make sure that I return people's texts, calls and messages. Even if I'm a week late I still return them! I'm not perfect but I realize that I never want to make someone feel how I have been made to feel. People can say that they don't need friends and don't care, but the truth is we were made to have relationships. Family and friends are God-ordained. He doesn't want anyone feeling lonely- He made us so that He wouldn't be lonely himself!

If you are reading this just think about who you might have offended when you didn't respond or reach out to them. There are people hurting way more than I do- some of them even take their own lives because of their rejection.

Don't fuel the fire- be someone's friend. Reach out to someone today- be it a neighbor or your little cousin. Someone out there is wanting a friend- wanting love.

God Bless.